


One Embr-Ace

by NotAnother3



Category: Original Work, Supernatural
Genre: Aromantic Anael, Aromantic Dean Winchester, Asexual Castiel (Supernatural), Asexual Lucy Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester First Kiss, F/F, Lucy Winchester - Freeform, M/M, Queerplatonic Relationships, anael - Freeform, buzzfeed unsolved cameo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-04
Updated: 2020-01-07
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:08:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22118401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotAnother3/pseuds/NotAnother3
Summary: Just a little fanfic about figuring out labels and a qpr between Aro!Dean and Ace!CasSetting: Season 6, Season 9xxxxxThere is another part that is an original work, so people who are not in the Supernatural fandom/don't want spoilers can read that.It's the second chapter.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Original Female Character(s)/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 9





	1. Acing It

**Author's Note:**

> this is a wip so tune in next time (2-3 business months) (jk) x
> 
> I'm going to put all of it in one chapter and only when it's finished split it into different chapters so check back if you liked it, I'll be updating chapters 1 and 2 a lot...

**Dean**

He had not loved in his life. There were people he liked better than others, some he  was attracted to, but it was never romantic. Never had he even had a relationship that lasted longer than two months. One or two times he had faked romantic attraction. For business purposes or because others pushed him into it. It had never worked out. Now, he had accepted it. Had a few one night stands every other night. He didn't feel like he was missing something. He was happy. But there were people saying to him that he  was broken , if he had bothered to tell them about his lack of love. Sometimes, he himself felt broken. Abnormal. Not natural. And sometimes, he wished he could quit his job as a hunter and get a normal life. Raise a kid, have a stable job and someone that understood him. Someone that didn't think he  was broken or a machine. Someone that he could trust. His self-disgust kept him from actually acting upon that dream. Of course, he never told anyone about that. Hid it. Even from himself. Because a hunter can't quit, can he? Someone, something will always be after you, your next of kin. That's why he had to leave Lisa and Ben. No, he couldn't. So he stuck with one night stands and no attachment to anyone but his brother and Bobby. Friends, he would have to let go. Like Ellen, like Jo. Like Lisa. He had hoped she would understand. She hadn't. 'What do you mean you don't love me? Do you want regular sex and that's it? Did you think that would work on me? You need to sort your priotities, Dean.' No, she hadn't. 

**Castiel**

Feelings were confusing. They were odd, like freedom. He would come to terms with them some time in the future, knew it. He had to believe it. He had experienced anger, despair, hope, pride. He could see why humans were so fond of the positive emotions. The negative ones were annoying. The one emotion he wanted to feel in forever, he didn't. He wanted to love, but he didn't. Not yet. Not yet, but there was hope. He wondered if the person he would love would love him back. If it would be a human or an angel. Man or woman. He hoped it would be a man, out of curiosity. He had already kissed a woman, now he wanted to kiss the other sex.

**Dean**

There was a word. It filled his thoughts until he could not concentrate on anything else. A word. If there was a word, that meant there were others like him. It meant he wasn't broken. It meant safety. It meant, he could tell people  just by using that one word. It meant he wouldn't have to explain. But how would people react if he told them? He had already thought about his sexuality. Bisexual. They would understand that word. Would they understand the other one? Would they ask?

'How can you be aromantic and bisexual?' 'So do you want sex or not?' 'Are you actually trying to tell me you've never been in love? Don't lie to me, Dean.'

So, he practiced. In his thoughts. In Baby, when Sam was sleeping. In front of the bathroom mirror.  
"I'm aromantic." "Hey Sammy, I'm aro." "I am bisexual and aromantic."

Somewhen, he told his brother. Between research. He was casual.  
"Sammy?"  
"Yeah?"  
Alright, not so casual. No, he couldn't do it. "Forget it."  
Sam looked up at him and he wanted to drop the topic immediately. His brother  obviously had a thing for chick-flick moments but he wasn't up for it. 

"Dean." 

"I said, shut up." 

"Dean, I know there's something bugging you. So tell me." 

Okay, deep breath, it was your stupid self that wanted to tell him, so tell him. 

"I'm bisexual." 

"That's... not what I was expecting you would tell me, but great! I mean, I still don't wanna hear about your sex life, God knows I don't, but as long as you'll find someone you'll love, I'm good!" 

And yes, there it was. 'someone you'll love.' He didn't want 'someone he'll love'.  He wanted a platonic relationship that included a few kisses, understanding and sex, damn it . 

"There's... uh.. kinda another thing I wanted to tell you..?" 

"I'm all ears." Sam leaned forward to show interest. 

Dean shifted in his seat. "Have you heard of the term 'aromantic'?" 

"No, I mean I suppose I can think of what it might be, but I don't know any definition. Why, are you?" 

"Yeah" 

"Hm. Okay. Mind telling me what it actually is? Is it that you don't want a relationship or do you not fall in love or what?", Sam asked. 

"Yes. It's that I don't fall in love. I do want relationships but not romantic ones. Mainly just affection and sex." Wow, he never thought that he would use the word 'affection' without joking or making fun of someone but here he was. He was glad he didn't use 'platonic attraction' or 'aesthetic attraction'. 

"Oh. Yeah, I could have figured that out myself." 

They went back to research and didn't talk about it much. He didn't but Dean felt like he could, now that he knew it was okay with his brother. He still wouldn't be walking around in high heels. He wouldn't wave a flag but he could make jokes about it or stare at a man's ass now. It's the little things. Like he was not afraid to admit he liked Dr. Sexy. Okay, he was. A little bit. A lot bit. But at least he wasn't as scared to come out as he was before. He wanted to tell Bobby as well. And Cas. Although... He didn't want to ruin the friendship he and Cas had.

**Castiel**

It was something he wasn't ashamed of, yet he wouldn't tell anyone. In the last few days he had caught himself looking at men's lips and imagining what it would be like to kiss them. To love them. For scientific purposes, he told himself. For trying out something new. For fully grasping the concept of human emotion.  
Sometimes he would think about how it would be to have sex with someone. He didn't have a problem with that, the problem was not to imagine anyone but someone specific. He had experienced attraction, or at least the emotion that people had explained was called attraction. It just never happened to be sexual. Which was a problem because he was interested in sex. He wanted to try it. For better understanding humans. Like he had imagined kissing certain people, he wanted to imagine having sex with certain people. It never worked out.  
He didn't understand the concept of porn because sex without love didn't make sense to him. And he didn't love just yet.

**Dean**

He didn't know when he had realised it. There was undoubtedly something between him and Cas. He felt something for this angel. More than friendship. Less than love. Attraction, maybe. Maybe just strong platonic desire to hug him, to hold intense eye contact. Great, now he had used the word 'platonic'. His thoughts had gotten quite domestic, he noticed. Bad influence if he needed to concentrate on hunting. To concentrate on how he would fix that whole deal with Crowley. He wouldn't, couldn't worry about Cas. He needed to stop thinking all that stuff. He needed to focus. Where was Crowley, how could he try to open the gate and what was the matter with Cas? No, feelings of any kind were forbidden, locked up in a tiny box labeled 'Dean's emotions' buried in the sand of oblivion.

**Castiel**

Sometimes, he thought the problem was that he never loved. How could he know what it felt like if he never experienced it? People always told him that "he'd know". Did love just mean wanting to kiss someone specific? Wanting to stare at their eyes, wondering if God had ever made anything as green as them? Wanting to cradle them in his arms and protect them from all harm?  
If that was the case, he might be in love.  
He sighed and looked up to heaven, blue eyes reflecting a grey sky.  
And he knew his prayers wouldn't be answered. Again.

Dean was a hunter, which meant anyone he was close to would most likely get murdered. Brutally. Castiel already was likely getting murdered. He hoped, he could fix heaven by absorbing all the souls. He hoped, Crowley wouldn't try to play tricks on him. He hoped heaven would accept restoration. He prayed, even though he lost his faith.

**Dean**

Never would he tell Sammy, but it was enough. He couldn't take it anymore. He wasn't able to stand anything of this for a long time now but he had to keep on hunting, keep on moving, keep on killing. So that innocent people wouldn't die senselessly.  
Still, he was broken, oh so broken. His mind told him that was normal in this kind of job. He needed a pause, a year, two years off, a partner who took care of him and who he could take care of. A partner whom he could tell anything–even about his work.

He found himself thinking of Castiel in the most private situations, in the most private ways. He often found himself staring at Castiel—he found angel eyes staring back. That made him wonder, it made him embarrassed, it almost made him blush. Every time he saw blue eyes, guilt washed over him and sadness. The guilt told him he shouldn't only think of people to satisfy him, the sadness reminded him that people—specifically Castiel—would never accept him and his aromanticism. He'd already tried to explain it to Lisa.

———

**Castiel**

Emotions. He already thought they were intense when he started to feel them as an angel, but now? Now, they were overwhelming. Now, they made his head ache, his eyes water, his spine bend. The negative ones gave him physical pain, the positive ones an echo of flying. How would love be?  
Affection, he knew what that felt like. He knew he loved the Winchesters but now, as he talked to Dean on the phone, his heart opened and grasped for him, the man whom he saved, the man who saved him. Was that love?  
Of course it was, but was it romantic love? He didn't know. Did he want to be with Dean until and after death did them part? Maybe.  
Did he want to kiss him? Absolutely.

Running from shelter to shelter would not be effective for much longer. He should get a warding tattoo to keep the angels from finding him, yet he didn't have enough money to do this and feed himself.

He decided that that didn't matter. He got the warding tattoo. Momentary relief washed over him and finally, he could call Dean without having to fear that he was being watched, that he was being followed. It was very nice, he had to admit. Dean wasn't as stressed as he usually was and they had time to actually talk for a bit. It almost felt normal, he almost felt... human.  
The whole call, Castiel could think of nothing other than how much he missed Dean. It was strange. Dean would say something and without even fully registering the words, all Castiel imagined was how he said it, how his lips would look when he pronounced one word or another, how his eyes would scrunch up, how he would tell him to get out of his personal space, dammit, if Castiel was there.  
Did that mean he loved Dean?

**Dean**

He had meant to tell Bobby. He just hadn't found the right time, the right place, the right words. And then it had been too late.  
He wanted to tell Cas. He just didn't find the right time, the right place, the right words. It would not end like it did with Bobby. He would tell Cas. An opportunity would arise. An opportunity arose. Hehe, AROse. It was nice that he could joke about it now. Anyway, the opportunity was as follows: They met at a bar, casually, because Dean was working a job near Castiel's current hiding spot. It was risky but they decided it was worth to know the other wasn't dead yet and to see each other again. Also, it was way less risky now that Cas had gotten the warding tattoo. They talked and drank and then, Cas was drunk. He obviously hadn't been human for long and wasn't used to alcohol. He'd been drinking beer, while Dean had had something stronger. Now, Cas was drunk and Dean was still only feeling mildly tipsy.

**Castiel**

It was... strange. Was he sitting too close to Dean? He supposed not. Dean would have said something if he was. Wouldn't he have? Cas suddenly became aware that, while he was pondering that, he had been staring at Dean's lips. They were very nice lips. He looked away, at his nose. Dean had freckles. So many freckles. How many? He started to count, thinking that Dean would say something if it got too weird. He started from the bottom up as Dean's freckles were centered around the eyes and on his nose. He was at about 49 when he wasn't sure if the one in the corner of Dean's left eye was one or two. He leaned closer. Two, in very close proximity.

**Dean**

What was he supposed to do? There was a very attractive man sitting right in front of him, who had been leaning in, goddamnit!  
You could say it'd been an accident. A chance meeting of their lips. Or, you could call it a kiss. He wasn't sure what it had been but whatever it was, it had sparked a fire in his stomach, moving downwards. And then they were kissing again, this time there wasn't even the option of a "chance meeting". This was definitely, in fact, a kiss. And it was a good one. Awkward, sure, Castiel had not kissed often before, he had only been kissed once, but good. Dean wasn't even sure who started it.

**Castiel**

They were very nice lips. Very, very nice lips. Soft. Dean was surprisingly gentle, softer when he was kissing, not talking. That kiss had been very nice, and very short. He wanted it to last longer. There was an option on how to do that: Kiss Dean again. So he did. And this next kiss was longer, better, it made him feel something. It made him want to hug Dean, it made him want to place his hand on the hunter's cheek. It made something in his chest widen. The kiss deepened and then, it was very clear. He did love Dean. Romantically. This was the feeling that he couldn't place. Love. He wanted to tell Dean. He broke the kiss and moved away, slightly. "I love you, Dean."

**Dean**

Wow, that didn't go as planned. Dropping the L-Bomb right after a first kiss? Way soon. Well, to Dean, any time was too soon. Anyway.  
"Whoa there, cowboy. Slow it down, would ya?" Cas looked confused. "You don't tell a guy that you love him right after the first kiss. Way soon, buddy."  
"But I do."

Alright, so maybe now was a good time. As good a time as any, actually.  
"Listen, Cas. I'm... uh... aro. Aromantic." The confused look on Cas' face intensified and Dean sighed. He would have some explaining to do. "C'mon, let's get outta here."

They sat on a bench in a park somewhere. Dean just sat and tried to recall everything, how he would explain these labels. Normally, his move was just "get it out quickly and then drop the subject" but with Cas, he wanted him to understand it. He wanted the guy to know as much as Dean could teach him about being human. And since that topic was now relevant—pretty fucking relevant he'd say—, this was included.

"So. Uh, yeah. How do I start?"

"I recommend that you start where it's easiest to."

"Well, yeah, no shit, Sherlock." Dean laughed.

"Alright. There's different kinds of attraction. Basically, there's sexual, romantic, aesthetic, sensual and platonic attraction." Castiel looked interested but a bit confused. Dean thought fondly that that was just how Cas always looked but still explained further.

"Sexual attraction is if you look at someone and want to have sex with them, basically. Romantic attraction is—I guess—if you look at someone and want to kiss them but not have sex with them. It's also like... you want to be in a romantic relationship with them" Castiel looked intrigued. Dean continued.

"Aesthetic attraction is looking at someone and being attracted to their appearance but not in a romantic or sexual way. Sensual attraction is wanting to have physical contact with someone that not romantic or sexual. And platonic attraction is just... wanting to be friends with someone, I guess."

**Castiel**

Dean's explanations were interesting and informative, indeed. What Castiel wondered, though, was how that related to what they had talked about at the bar. Aromantic. "Dean. How does this relate to 'aromantic'?" The hunter waved dismissively and said:

"Get to that in a minute. So, there's these five kinds of attraction. They can sometimes be mashed up. You see someone and are attracted to their appearance, which is aesthetic attraction, and therefore you want to have sex with them, which is sexual attraction.

If you feel romantic or sexual attraction that's called alloromantic or allosexual. Now, some people, like me, don't feel sexual or romantic attraction. That's called that you're aromantic or asexual. Those are seperate things, you can be alloromantic but asexual, or, like me, you can be allosexual and aromantic. I feel sexual but not romantic attraction."

A question popped into Castiel's head.

"Can asexual people like sex? Or is it a repulsion?"

"Oh, nah, asexual people can like sex, there's ace people who don't like sex, ace people who like sex, ace people who are completely repulsed by sex, that's a whole spectrum! Same with aro. I like kissing but I don't want a romantic relationship with anyone. I mean, I would love to have a qpr but..."

That was interesting. Maybe, Castiel thought, maybe he was asexual. He was interested in sex but he couldn't imagine having sex with someone specific. There was still the blur of 'anyone'. Also, what did Dean mean by QPR?

"What is that?" He was glad to learn so much.

**Dean**

"What, a qpr?"

"Yes"

"Well, it's a relationship but for A-Spec people. Since the degree to which you are aromatic or asexual can vary, it's called A-Spec."

"It _is_ a spectrum"

"Exactly. So, a qpr. Yeah, uh, it's not just for A-Spec people, allos can have it, too, but it's mainly aro or ace people who have it."

He wanted a qpr so bad, a person whom he could take care of, whom he could cook with or for, whom he could live with. A person he could tell everything. Even about his work. He could tell Cas about his work. Hell, Cas even helped him sometimes, when Dean let him.

Castiel interrupted his thoughts—dreams, more like—with another question.

"What does QPR stand for? It is an acronym, I assume?"

"Yeah, it is. Stands for queerplatonic relationship." He emphasised the Q of queer, the P of platonic and the R of relationship. "It's something between a friendship and a romantic or sexual relationship I guess. I don't know because I've never been in one though."

"Interesting." Castiel paused for a moment, then spoke again. "Could I... could I come with you to the bunker?"

And oh, that stung. Because he would love to take Cas with him to the bunker, let him live there... It wasn't possible, though, it simply wasn't an option. Cas couldn't know that Sam had been possessed by Ezekiel. That they were researching a spell or ritual that could heal Zeke so he could heal Sammy faster but that this spell could possibly kill both. Or make Sam absorb Ezekiel's presence as a whole and who knew what would happen then?

It stung when he shook his head and said: "Sorry buddy, got some shit to figure out. I'll give you a call when it's all done, you can come then?"

And it stung even more as he saw the hurt in Castiel's eyes. He felt the need to explain himself but he couldn't tell Cas anything.  
"Look, I promise, we'll try to figure it out fast."

And they did, they tried to.  
Finally, they found something that could heal Ezekiel completely except there was one problem. If something went wrong, Sam would melt together with Zeke. Which was a risk he would not be willing to take. When Dean found out, he talked to Ezekiel.  
"He'll not like that", Ezekiel said.

"Yeah, well, he doesn't have to know."

They just wouldn't fucking tell him was what they'd do. They'd perform the ritual anyway.

They did do the ritual and of course something went wrong. Instead of Ezekiel leaving Sam's body and fucking off to who knew where, Sam's eyes started glowing in that all too familiar blue. _Fuck. Shit. Fuck shit shit fuck shit!_ They stopped glowing and Sam was himself again only... somehow he wasn't. The taller man looked around confusedly.

"Did it work? I feel kind of weird." 

Without thinking, Dean lied. "Yeah, man, Zeke's gone." He really wanted this to be over and if nothing worse had happened than Sam feeling weird, he could damn well ignore it. 

Also, now Dean could tell Cas that he could come stay with them at the bunker. He called the angel. Well, former angel.

"Hello, Dean."  
"Cas, man. It's over, everything's figured out, you can come to the bunker."  
"Are you sure?"  
Darn Cas. Of course he was sure or he wouldn't have fucking offered. Dean told him that. Nicer, obviously.  
"That makes me -", Dean could hear a smile in Cas' voice, "- very happy."

**Castiel**

Castiel came to the bunker and got a room, just for him. He felt very welcome. At home, almost. He got food and a nice bed, both of which he needed now that he was human. Then, of course, there was Dean. He still loved him, he knew that, but he also knew now that Dean couldn't love him back. Not the way he wanted. 

So, Castiel stuck with helping the Winchesters with research for cases. He also tried to find out how to get the angels back into heaven. He didn't find much. Sometimes, he wondered what it would be like if heaven was still intact but he stayed human. He imagined a life where he was a hunter, a life spent with Dean Winchester. 

He tried to make the best of what he had. That was important. Focusing on what he could make of what he had instead of wondering about things that would never happen.

Dean came into his room. "We got a case, easy one. You in?"

"Of course. I'm always happy to help you and Sam." Maybe, he thought, what he had wasn't so bad.

"Oh, yeah, Sammy's not coming. He wants to stay here and do some more research. He'll help us over the phone if we need something, though." Now, that was nice. Dean trusted him so much that he wanted to take Castiel on a hunt with him. Sam wasn't even going to be there.

"That is very nice of you, Dean. Of course I want to help." After a pause, he added, "What do we know?"

"According to a police dispatch call, a man was found under a bridge near Denton. Half-eaten, heart's missing, I'm thinking wolf. I say we head over there, check it out." 

"Alright, I'll get ready. When do we leave?"

"I'll meet you in 10 at Baby", Dean said and left the room. Castiel took his jacket and went to the toilet since it would be a 7 hour drive to Denton. 

**Dean**

Once there, they checked into a motel, got their fed suits out and went to Old Alton Bridge to visit the crime scene.

"FBI, Agents Baker", Dean pointed at himself, "and Taylor." He made a vague gesture that indicated he meant Castiel with the second part. They were introduced to the head police officer and the head of the forensics team - Benedict Wells and Vivian Abbott. 

"What have we got?", Dean asked Wells.

"A man was eaten under that bridge. Bite marks look human. We’re not sure but it looks like his friend there did it. At least, he was the one who called in and said ‘I think I just ate my best friend’. You can go talk to him but he’s already been interviewed by one of us. Doesn’t make much sense what he’s saying but go have fun."

Before they went to interview the witness-slash-suspect, they had a look at the crime scene. The victim had already been brought away but still, they had a look around. It looked like a werewolf attack, that was for sure, but what was that about the human-looking bite marks? Maybe it was a Rugaru? Although, then it couldn’t have been the witness. Maybe it was just a sicko who was into cannibalism and that whole "I’m in shock cause I killed my best friend" thing was an act. Dean shared his thoughts with Cas, who told him they should talk to the witness before making assumptions. He hated to admit it, but Cas was right. Seemed like he was good at that kind of stuff.

While they were still looking at the crime scene, Abbott approached them. "You know", she said, "I can’t believe this thing has started killing again. I mean, when it stopped about ten years ago, we all thought it was over."

Dean had started to show interest the second she said ‘this thing’ not ‘this guy’ or ’this murderer’ or anything else she could have said instead. "Excuse me", he started. "What exactly is ‘it’?"

"You don’t know the legend? Then again, you aren’t from around here and you’re feds… Anyway, legend says there’s this creature called ‘Goatman’, who is a hybrid of-"

"- a goat and a man, got it", Dean couldn’t help but be a bit sarcastic.

"Exactly, and he’s said to push people off the bridge and eat half of them. I didn’t believe it but then it happened multiple times about 13 years back. Bites looked human but aside from that, we didn’t have any leads. Teeth analysis didn’t show anything and there were no fingerprints. No footprints either, no nothing. Crime scene was sterile. Then, it just stopped. Never happened again - until now."

Now, that was interesting. He texted Sam. "Need some research on Goatman, ASAP"

Castiel talked to him and they now had a solid theory.

They went over to the witness. He was in shock, which was understandable, and he had a blanket and a plastic cup with what looked like sugar water. Dean introduced them and asked for his name. 

"George Kelm. I was already interviewed, a detective talked to me." He looked distant and like he didn’t want to talk to them.

Castiel reacted. "I know, and we are sorry but we have to speak with you ourselves. It’s protocol. We promise it won’t take long." Dean shot him a glance. Cas was good. He said exactly the right thing - the man nodded and started to speak.

"It was like... I was here with my buddy, Thomas, you know, the one who-" He cut himself off and took a deep breath, then drank a sip of the sugar water. Dean waited patiently until he was ready to speak again. Luckily, Castiel did the same.

"We were here on the bridge and then, something happened, and then it felt like… like something was inside of me. I still heard everything and saw everything but I couldn’t move. It felt like there was...I don’t know... a barrier between my brain and my body. Like I was one of those puppets on strings but the puppeteer was inside of me. And then I started to... I started to eat him-" Once again, he took a sip from his sugar water.

Dean and Castiel exchanged a quick glance. Sounded like a demon. 

"Okay, we still have one question for you", Castiel said sympathetically. "Did you see or smell anything strange? For example, did you see smoke or smell rotten eggs?"

Kelm didn’t even stop to think about the weirdness of the question before saying that yes, there had been smoke. Black smoke. And he wasn’t sure about the smell but it had not smelled good. Dean and Cas thanked him for his cooperation and help and then talked in a quiet spot.

"So it’s not a wolf, and I’m not sure about the Goatman thing anymore either", Dean started.

"It looks like it’s a demon."

"From the sound of it, yeah. But what’s that whole munching-on-people-deal?"

Castiel looked defeated. "I don’t know about that. I was thinking that maybe it’s a Rugaru but they usually do not produce smoke or smell like sulfur."

"So we have - what, jack?" Dean did not like that. He thought that was an easy, in-and-out case, find the werewolf, put it down and back home. Now, they had local folklore and a demon that was eating people.

They went back to the motel and got to research. They were researching all kinds of things - demons that were eating humans, Goatman, the other deaths near Old Alton Bridge. Nothing came up that was remotely interesting or new. The deaths around the bridge were exactly like Abbott had told them - no leads whatsoever and found killed and half-eaten under the bridge beside the river. One was found partly in the river and one was not eaten so probably unrelated, but that were the only things differing from the rest. Goatman was supposedly a goat-man hybrid that ate people, so nothing new there and when they searched for demons eating humans, all they got were artworks from the Middle Ages.

Castiel spoke. "I may have found something." He read from the screen, "’Átahsaia is a giant cannibalistic demon in the religion and mythos of the Zuni people of the Southwestern United States.’ It seems like he eats demons and humans."  
"Sounds good."  
Dean’s phone rang. It was Sam.  
"Hey Sammy, you got something for us?"  
"I do, actually. Goatman is a demonic crea-"   
Dean cut him off. "Yeah, we know. Anything else?"  
"I called around, see if anyone else knew anything about that thing. Get this - someone did."

**Castiel**

He waited until Dean was done with the call. When he was, Dean told Cas what they got.  
"’So get this’", he imitated Sam’s catchphrase, "Someone actually took down Goatman about ten years back."  
"That would explain why he stopped killing."  
"Exactly."  
Castiel frowned. "But what is this, why has he started again? If he is dead, he shouldn’t be able to do that."  
"Look, man, I don’t know either. Let’s just do some more research and then I need a drink."  
Castiel agreed and they went back to research.

When you search for something on the Internet, there will always be a point at which you get distracted. It’s the _‘Hey-do-you-know-that-thing-when-you’re-on-YouTube-and-after-three-hours-you-watch-a-video-about-a-guy-teaching-you-how-to-talk-to-giraffes?’_ -moment. Castiel did not know that. That did not prevent it from happening, though. He slipped into less reliable sources and landed on a YouTube video of two people - obviously fake paranormal investigators who knew nothing about actual monsters - investigating Old Alton Bridge. They were mainly just goofing around and having fun but the format was interesting and they did use salt circles (even though it was on the bridge and thus ineffective because the bridge had gaps so it would have been useless even if Goatman was still alive).  
Castiel watched it. It was funny, he didn’t deny that, but something felt off. He decided to show it to Dean, who also thought it was funny but didn’t know what was off either. So, they did some research on them. These people were paid by a big company to film videos and had already released other videos about haunted locations and unsolved true crime cases.  
They had a sceptic-believer dynamic and a pretty big height difference, which both added to the humor of the show; their names were Ryan - the believer - and Shane - the sceptic. Other than that, this was about it. Dean called Sam and told him to also do some research on them and then, they waited. Dean suggested they go to a bar and Castiel didn’t object. In fact, he thought that might be a good idea. Getting out of this motel room sounded excellent and he wouldn’t mind a drink.

They drove to a nearby bar and sat at a table by the window. Dean ordered a whiskey and Cas opted for a beer.  
"So", Dean started, but to Cas it sounded like he was just trying to fill the silence.   
"Don't worry, Dean."  
"I'm not worrying." 

**Dean**

Dean was worrying. They didn't have any leads and he was frustrated because he didn't want to put Cas in danger and it began to look like he was. Cas was human now!   
He took a long sip of his whiskey before looking at Cas, who he now realized had been looking at him with that look again. The "last-time-someone-looked-at-me-like-that-I-got-laid-look". It was a shame that Cas loved him, otherwise they could be at the motel right now, turning "last time" to "this time". Like that though, Dean thought, it would just get messy. Not sticky, normal messy, but feelings messy. Cas would get attached and Dean wouldn't be able to reciprocate and it would be a capital B Bad fucking idea. Like last time with Lisa.  
Now, he realized, he was staring back. They were holding eye contact for so long, Cas with these obvious-ass heart eyes. Dean looked away and cleared his throat.  
In that exact moment, his phone beeped to show that he received a message. It was from Sam.  
"Looks like those guys are in town again. Judging from their Instagram, they flew in to film another video about Goatman because of the death yesterday. No idea how they got wind of that so fast."  
He showed the message to Cas.  
"We could go see what they know", Castiel offered.  
Dean wanted to say 'What should they know? They're fakes' but then again, they didn't have any other leads so might as well do that. He agreed and texted Sam if he could find out where Ryan and Shane were staying.

While waiting for an answer, him and Cas went back to the motel to change into their fed suits. They got an answer and went to the place the fakes were at that time, which was a hotel. They asked for "Ryan Bergara and Shane Madej", got the room number, found the room and knocked. The door was opened not long after that by the man Dean recognized as Ryan from both the video and the research he did on him. Dean and Castiel flashed their FBI badges at them, Castiel introducing them this time.  
"Agents Baker and Taylor, FBI. We need you to answer some questions for us."  
"Alright, come in. Is this about Goatman's Bridge? Because if so, I have a lot to tell you." Ryan laughed.

Dean and Castiel exchanged a glance. What was that man talking about?  
"Yeah, you need to elaborate on that, please", Dean said while entering the room.  
"Oh, no, I was just-"  
The other guy—who was sitting on one of the two beds—came to help. "We're hosts of a show called Unsolved Supernatural, and we're here in Denton to shoot an episode about Old Alton Bridge. Ryan is not a serial killer, however much he might look like one."  
Ryan wheezed.  
"On a much more serious note, what's this visit about? I'm sure you're not just here to trade serial killer Top Trump cards with us."  
Ryan looked like he was about to die from laughter, so Dean started to talk.  
"I'm sure you're very funny where you're from. Anyway, how did you decide you wanted to do the next episode about the bridge here? Far as I know, you already did that."  
Ryan calmed down and answered, "Well, the viewers liked it so we decided we'll come back for a special. And since there's a new death..."

**Castiel**

He had to ask. "How did you know about this death so early you could prepare an episode?" Dean seemed very satisfied with that question and shot Castiel a glance that said "good job, you might be a good hunter after all". Castiel enjoyed that. It felt good to know Dean approved of something he did, it was a warm emotion.  
Before Castiel knew, Ryan answered. "We didn't know about the death beforehand."  
"That's just a bonus", Shane added.  
"A bonu- Shut up, Shane, those are FBI agents." Ryan laughed.  
Castiel, who was amused by them, told them, "We might be but that doesn't mean that we don't enjoy a little humor." He smiled. "So you didn't plan the episode because of the murder?"  
"No."  
"Okay", Dean said, smiling, "If you'll excuse my partner and me for a moment."  
Castiel got pulled to the side and Dean talked to him quietly. "You do also smell that, right? Mr. 'That's just a bonus' smells like sulfur."  
Now that it had been brought to his attention, Castiel did smell it. It wasn't strong and Shane obviously tried to hide it with deodorant but it was there, undoubtedly.  
"Maybe one of us should follow them tonight when they go film their episode to make sure no one else dies?", Castiel said.  
Dean agreed and volunteered to do it. He said he'd call Castiel if he needed help or if something went wrong but they agreed that Dean would follow the filming crew stealthily and try to make sure everything was alright. Castiel would go back to the motel and try to find out more about this Shane guy and Átahsaia. He felt a bit bad just leaving Dean to go on his own, but he did understand that he was much more inexperienced than Dean was.

**Dean**

He went after them, trying to keep away from sight and from the cameras. Ryan and Shane went up to the bridge and did an introduction, then proceeded to explain a little bit about the bridge and its surrounding woods, about the cult that's supposed to be there and how dead animals were often found. It was nothing too special. 

Then, they explored the bridge, Madej did a little dance to "keep Goatman away from Shane and Ryan's Bridge". 

Nothing happened. The worst thing Madej did was doing horrible impressions and making jokes. They were as bad as his puns, which is to say, very.

When they finally wrapped up, Dean had given up, not only on this case but also on his belief in mankind. There was nothing going on with those guys. Sure, one of them might've smelled like sulfur. So what? Maybe he had made a deal with a demon. It didn't have to mean that he was or was possessed by one.

Dean texted Cas. "We got nothing. Maybe it's not them. Still gonna stick around for a while, make sure"

Ryan and Shane returned to their motel rooms and did... nothing. They were on their phones, joking around a bit but there was nothing worth mentioning. Just when Dean was about to give up, Shane said something to Ryan, took his coat and left. A-ha. Now something interesting was happening. 

Dean followed Shane back to the bridge where he met with... two women? Right, so this wasn't a demon thing, it was a kinky thing. Shane talked to the women in a chill way, like you would with strangers that you think are nice.

Dean was about to return to the motel. He really wasn't in the mood to watch these guys have a threesome in a semi-public space in the middle of the night. Here's what made him change his mind:

Shane turned into black smoke. He didn't just smoke out, dropping the meat suit. He actually turned into smoke. He became smoke. And he possessed one of the women. 

Dean's mind was racing. He pulled out his angel blade, ready to strike, but then paused. If he killed that ass now, he would also kill the woman. And he was not willing to let an innocent person die, especially now that he knew Shane had a body. This meant that Dean could kill him in his own form and nobody had to die. There was another problem, though. They did not know how to kill a demon with a body. They had never dealt with those before. What if they were some kind of high-ranking, elite demons, who were granted a body because they were so strong? What if the angel blade couldn't take them down?

Shane, now in the body of the first woman, was attacking the second one and Dean wanted to scream "Stop!" It was a reflex and he could only barely hold it back. He couldn't do anything and wanted to intervene but he knew that either way, one of the women would die, the only question was whether he would. He texted Cas again. "Do some research on demons with bodies. Guy just turned into smoke." He received a questionmark. Then: "What do you mean?" Dean answered. "He didn't smoke out, his whole body turned into smoke. More details soon as I'm back."

Meanwhile Madej had pushed the other woman off the bridge and now he smiled... sadly? What was that about?

Dean went back to their motel room. He clenched his jaw and tasted something bitter. It was nothing, he knew that. Just the bitter aftertaste of not having been able to do anything. Of just having had to let someone innocent die.

"Hello, Dean."

"Hey, Cas." Dean went to grab a beer. He held one out for Cas, who took it. 

"What did you mean when you said Shane turned into smoke?" Cas' brow furrowed.

"Guy just... poof", Dean made a very vague gesture with the hand that held the beer, "turned into black smoke. His whole body, first legs and arms, then the rest, head was last."

"But how?"

"Look, if I knew I'd tell you. Anyway, we gotta go now." Dean finished his beer and grabbed his jacket. He opened the door and looked expectantly at Cas who frowned.

**Castiel**

"Where are we going? Shouldn't we do some research on demons with bodies before we act?", he asked. It seemed like a good idea. Who knew what kind of demon that was, if it could even be killed with something they had.

Dean made a valid argument when he said, "No time. C'mon."  
So, Cas went with Dean to the Impala. In the car, he asked where they would be going.  
"Back to their hotel room. Confront the bitch."

At the hotel room, Mr. Bergara opened the door, just like last time, and seemed surprised as to their visit, seeing as their last one dated back only to, well, the day before.  
"Oh, it's you again. What do you need?", he greeted.

Dean did the talking. "Your friend, where is he?"  
"Oh, Shane? He just said he'd go for a little drive, he should be back soon."

Castiel watched as Dean put his duffle bag up on the little table, ignoring Bergara's questions about what the hell was going on, and pulled out a spray can and a rope. Both were handed to Cas with the task of making a devil's trap under the carpet and keeping the rope ready. Castiel got to work and finished not long after.   
He watched Dean work with a knife on a little object. When he got closer, he saw that it was a tiny piece of metal. It was small enough to be swallowed but big enough so that Dean could engrave a devil's trap on it, which he was currently doing. Castiel thought that that was a very good idea. If they gave Madej this and made him swallow it, he couldn't smoke out. Or, he supposed, in this case, turn to smoke.

Just as Dean finished, the door was opened and Madej entered the room. Castiel immediately went over to tie him up. Without looking, the tired demon had stepped right on the devil's trap on the ground so it was rather easy to tie him to a chair, especially because he looked exhausted and not on high alert.  
Dean came over. "Open wide", he said, jokingly but through gritted teeth, and forced Shane Madej to swallow the piece of metal.

"Okay, what the hell is going on?", a rather angry voice demanded. Castiel had been so focused on Shane that he had forgotten the other man that was still in the room.  
"Would anyone like to explain? Shane, do you have any idea what is going on?"

Shane nodded and started to talk in a soft voice. "Hey Ry, don't freak out."  
Castiel didn't want to interrupt because it seemed like it was important to Madej that he said it himself. Dean didn't think so, apparently. Maybe he didn't think at all when he said, "Your friend here is a demon. No idea what kind, though, because apparently he has a body."

It was now obvious to anyone in the room that Ryan started to panic. Castiel felt compassionate and walked over to comfort him. After all, the man just found out that his coworker was a demon.

  
**Dean**

"What kind of demon are you? Why do you have a body?" Dean showed the other man that he had holy water by pouring a tiny bit on his hand. It was a warning. 

Shane flinched but didn't make a sound of pain. When he recovered, he said, "Ooh, hunters? Who are you?"

"Dean Winchester", Dean answered, expecting Shane to know him. He was so used to it by now.

"Very nice to meet you. I'd shake your hand but, well..." Shane trailed off, wiggling a bit and thus indicating that he couldn't because he was bound to a chair. "Also, the ropes are a bit tight."

Ah, so he was a tough one. Trying to joke around. Dean didn't like that. Again, he poured some of the holy water on Shane and it sizzled. Madej hissed and clenched his teeth.  
"Yeah, that hurts? So..."  
"What kind of demon are you?" Dean did not like repeating questions at all.  
"Phew, I don't know... I stumbled into hell one time on accident and now I'm a demon I guess. I'm just me. Just your ol' pal Shane Madej. Livin' the life. Ask Ryan over there", Shane said, nodding into the general direction of Mr. Bergara, who was still trying to deal with the fact that he'd been investigating demon cases accompanied by an actual demon.

Dean wasn't sure why he was still talking to the sucker. He would know that he couldn't kill him if he tried and failed, right? Still, he had one question.  
"Why did you eat those people? Demons don't usually eat humans."

"Oof, the call out. The tea is scorching." Shane grinned and looked over to Ryan Bergara, who looked very 'done-with-your-shit' for a moment.

"Anyway, I was... you know, trying to make some spook we could investigate? Trying to set a scene." Shane looked a bit ashamed.  
"So I pretended to be Goatman. Look, I'm sorry, I'll not do it again."

He had Dean's full attention now because not only did he have a body, he seemed to have a conscience as well and to actually feel guilty and bad about what he did.

Shane spoke again. "I'm normally a very unconfrontational guy, I haven't been black-eyed for 30 plus years. Life's good as a human."

Bergara chirped in now. "He is, I can confirm that. He's very unconfrontational." He then sat back down on the bed, head in his hands.

Dean didn't care. That Shane guy was a demon. He had killed and eaten people, goddamn it. Dean tightened his finger around the trigger, ready to shoot. So what if it didn't kill him? They'd know that guns wouldn't work and find something else. He was about to pull the trigger all the way, when Cas stopped him.  
"Dean", he said and put his hand on the hunter's arm.  
"What?"  
"Don't"  
"Why not? He's a demon, we kill demons, that's how it goes, Cas." Dean snapped because how wouldn't he? They had to do it. Dean feared that if they didn't cling to the small things, the black and white, then he would lose his mind for good.  
But somehow, he couldn't. He couldn't pull the trigger, not with Cas' hands on his arm. He would not disappoint him. Not again.

He turned to face Cas, still not lowering the gun but loosening his finger on the trigger.  
"Well, you got a better plan? Cause if so, I'm all ears."  
Castiel opened his mouth and then closed it again.  
"Exactly. Cas, we have to kill him. That's our job. What do you expect? He swears not to do it again? So what, even if he does? He's a demon, he lies. Because that's what demons _do_ , Cas."

Dean turned back to Shane. He pointed his gun at him and tightened his finger on the trigger for the second time. And then, also for the second time, he got interrupted. This time, he looked over and it wasn't Cas and it wasn't Shane. It was Mr. Bergara, yelling "Stop! Wait!" and looking properly shocked.  
"Please don't kill him. You were going to kill him, weren't you? Because he killed someone."   
The shorter man looked scared, wide eyes but also like he was in a trance. Like he couldn't believe he just talked about his friend murdering or being murdered.  
"Please don't. He's a good guy. He can swear to never do it again and I can keep an eye on him."

Dean still wasn't convinced. It didn't take a professional to see that Ryan wasn't a hunter. The guy hadn't even been sure if monsters were real before this. How could he keep an eye on a demon so rare there was no lore?

Cas now said something as well. "He has been human for a long time and can blend in. Dean, even if something else... happens, if he kills anyone else - we know who he is now. We know his ID, we can see and if it was him, we'll kill him then, if it is necessary."

Dean didn't like it, that guy was dangerous, damnit! But Cas was right, he wouldn't kill him. He'd let that demon and his friend go. Dean lowered his gun, expression still hard.  
"Let's go, then. C'mon Cas."

They checked out of the motel and got in the car. Back home.

  
**Castiel**

It felt strange, having a place to go. He decided he liked it. He couldn't fly anymore so he wasn't able to go somewhere else, anywhere. The bunker had become his home so quickly he doubted it was that. Maybe it was just Dean and Sam that he felt at home with. 


	2. Non-Fanfic version of the story (can be read without knowing anything about Supernatural)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucy Winchester is a hunter.  
> She hunts monsters.  
> Ghosts, demons, and yes, even the corny ones you see in media all the time like werewolves and vampires.  
> All of them are real, at the same time. There's gods, there's angels and demons, there's wendigos, djinn, whatever you can find in any kind of mythology: it exists. And all of them are dicks. Well, almost. 
> 
> You see, there's Anael. She's an angel, on Earth because she's a rebel. She hasn't exactly Fallen, yet, but it's surely not long before she does. She helps Lucy and her sister Samantha do all the research on cases. 
> 
> Anael, short dark hair, not exactly a tiny woman with her 5ft10 frame (although her angel form is much, much taller).  
> Anael, not well informed on social customs and with a bit of a personal space problem. 
> 
> Lucy, butch as hell, short blonde hair, freckles, somehow even taller than Anael, loving her 6 feet and 1 inch body. 
> 
> Lucy, who is very good at doing her job, picking up guys from bars and repressing her feelings. 
> 
> Both don't exactly have time for pondering private things but there's undoubtedly something between them...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is not a continuation! 
> 
> For those of you that read the first chapter: 
> 
> This is not another chapter but the exact same story with alterations so it can be read as a standalone work for people who do not know Supernatural.

Lucy

She had not loved in her life.  
Surely, there were people she liked better than others, some she was attracted to, but it was never romantic. Never had she even had a relationship that lasted longer than two months. One or two times she had faked romantic attraction, for business purposes or because she was pushed into it. It had never worked out.  
Now, she had accepted it. Had a few one night stands every other night. She didn't feel like she was missing something. She was happy. But there were people saying to her that she was broken, if she had bothered to tell them about her lack of love. Sometimes, she herself felt broken. Abnormal. Not natural.  
And sometimes, she wished she could quit his job as a hunter and get a normal life, maybe a kid, a stable job and someone that understood him. Someone that didn't think she was broken or a machine. Someone that she could trust. Her self-disgust kept her from actually acting upon that dream.  
Of course, she never told anyone about that. Hid it. Even from herself. Because a hunter can't just quit, can she? Someone, something will always be after you, your next of kin. That's why she had to leave Ben and Lisa. No, she couldn't. So she stuck with one night stands and no attachment to anyone but her sister and Ellen. Friends, she would have to let go eventually. Like Alex, like John. Like Ben. She had hoped he would understand. He hadn't.  
'What do you mean you don't love me? Do you just want regular sex or what? Did you really think that would work on me? That I'm that dumb?'  
No, he hadn't.

Anael

Feelings were confusing. They were odd, just like freedom. Maybe she would come to terms with them some time in the future. She hoped she would. As an angel, she was always asked not to feel anything, to just obey. Her only job had been to follow orders. She didn't know anything else. Now, she had experienced anger, despair, hope, pride. She could see why humans were so fond of the positive emotions, although the negative ones were annoying.  
The one emotion she wanted to feel in forever, she didn't. She wanted to love, but she didn't. Not yet. Not yet, but there was hope. She wondered if the person she would love would love her back. If it would be a human or an angel. Man or woman. She hoped it would be a woman, just out of curiosity. She had already kissed a man, now she wanted to kiss the other sex.

Lucy

There was a word. It filled her thoughts until she could not concentrate on anything else. A word. If there was a word, that meant there were others like her. It meant she wasn't broken. It meant safety. It meant, she could tell people easily - just by using that one word - how she was. It meant she wouldn't have to explain. But how would people react if she told them? She had already thought about her sexuality. Maybe she was bisexual. They would understand that word. Would they understand the other one? Would they ask? 

'How can you be aromantic and bisexual?' 'So do you want sex or not?'  
'Are you actually trying to tell me you've never been in love? Don't lie to me, Luce.'

So, she practiced. In her thoughts. In her car, when her sister, Sam, was sleeping. In front of the bathroom mirror.  
"I'm aromantic."  
"Hey Sammy, I'm aro."  
"I am bisexual and aromantic."

Some when, she told her sister. Casually, between research.  
"Sammy?"  
"Yeah?"  
Alright, not so casually. No, she couldn't do it.  
"Forget it."  
Sam looked up at her and she wanted to drop the topic immediately, but her sister obviously had a thing for chick-flick moments.  
"Lucy."  
"I said, shut up."  
"Lucy, I know there's something bugging you. So tell me."  
Okay, deep breath, it was your stupid self that wanted to tell her, so tell her.  
"I'm bisexual."  
"That's... not what I was expecting you would tell me, but great! I mean, I still don't wanna hear about your sex life, God knows I don't, but as long as you'll find someone you'll love, I'm good!"  
And yes, there it was. 'someone you'll love.' She didn't want 'someone she'll love'. She wanted a platonic relationship that included a few kisses, understanding and sex, damn it.  
"There's... uh.. kinda another thing I wanted to tell you..?"  
"I'm all ears." Sam leaned forward to show interest.  
Lucy shifted in her seat. "Have you heard of the term 'aromantic'?"  
"No, I mean I suppose I can think of what it might be, but I don't know any definition. Why, are you?"  
"Yeah"  
"Hm. Okay. Mind telling me what it actually is? Is it just that you don't want a relationship or do you not fall in love or what?", Sam asked.  
"Yes. It's basically that I don't fall in love. I do want relationships but not romantic ones. Mainly just affection and sex." Wow, she never thought that she would use the word 'affection' without joking or making fun of someone but here she was. She was just glad she didn't use 'platonic attraction' or 'aesthetic attraction'.  
"Oh. Yeah, I could have figured that out myself."  
They went back to research and didn't talk about it much but Lucy felt like she could, now that she knew it was okay with her sister. She still wouldn't be walking around in a rainbow suit or waving a flag but she could make jokes about it or openly stare at a woman's ass now. It's the little things. Like she was not afraid to admit she liked this horrible dudebro series everyone cringes at. Okay, maybe she was a little bit. But at least she wasn't as scared to come out as she was before. She wanted to tell Ellen as well. And maybe Anael. Although... She didn't want to ruin the friendship she and Ana had.

Anael

It was something she wasn't ashamed of, yet she wouldn't tell anyone. In the last few days she had caught herself looking at women's lips and imagining what it would be like to kiss them. To love them. For scientific purposes, she told herself. For trying out something new. For fully grasping the concept of human emotion.  
Sometimes she would think about how it would be to have sex with someone. She didn't have a problem with that, the problem was not to imagine anyone but someone specific. She had experienced attraction, or at least the emotion that people had explained was called attraction. It just never happened to be sexual. Which was a problem because she was interested in sex. She wanted to try it. For better understanding humans. Like she had imagined kissing certain people, she wanted to imagine having sex with certain people. It never worked out.  
She didn't understand the concept of porn because sex without love didn't make sense to her. And she didn't love just yet.

Lucy

She didn't know when she had realised it. There was undoubtedly something between her and Anael. She felt something for this angel. More than friendship. Less than love. Attraction, maybe. Maybe just strong platonic desire to hug her, to hold intense eye contact. Great, now she had used the word 'platonic'. Her thoughts had gotten quite domestic, she noticed. Bad influence if she needed to concentrate on hunting. To concentrate on how she would fix that whole deal with the vampire nest she'd been trying to locate. She wouldn't, couldn't worry about Ana. She needed to stop thinking all that stuff. She needed to focus. Where was the nest, how could she try to get in there and how could she take on so many of them alone? Sammy was looking up another cases, she didn't want to bother her.  
No, feelings of any kind were forbidden, locked up in a tiny box labeled 'Lucy's emotions' buried in the sand of oblivion. 

Anael

Sometimes, she thought the problem was that she never loved. How could she know what it felt like if she never experienced it? People always told her that "she'd know". Did love just mean wanting to kiss someone? Someone specific, not just anyone? Wanting to stare at their eyes, wondering if God had ever made anything as green as them? Wanting to cradle them in her arms and protect them from all harm?  
If that was the case, she might be in love.  
She sighed and looked up to heaven, blue eyes reflecting a grey sky.  
And she knew her prayers wouldn't be answered. Again. 

Lucy was a hunter, which meant anyone she was close to would most likely get murdered. Brutally. Anael already was likely getting murdered. Rebel and all. Betrayed heaven. She had hoped she could fix heaven. She had hoped heaven would accept restoration.  
She prayed, even though she lost her faith. 

Lucy

Never would she tell Sammy, but it was enough. She couldn't take it anymore. She hadn't been able to stand any of this for a long time now but she had had to keep on hunting, keep on moving, keep on killing. So that innocent people wouldn't die senselessly.  
Still, she was broken, oh so broken. Her mind told her that that was normal in this kind of job.  
She needed a pause, though, a year, two years off, a partner who took care of her and who she could take care of. A partner whom she could tell anything–even about her work.

She found herself thinking of Anael in the most private situations, in the most private ways. She often found herself staring at Anael—and she found angel eyes staring back. That made her wonder, it made her feel embarrassed, it almost made her blush. Every time she saw blue eyes, guilt washed over her and sadness. The guilt told her she shouldn't only think of people to satisfy her, that that was disgusting, why couldn't she just love? The sadness reminded her that people would never accept her and her aromanticism. She'd already tried to explain it to Ben. 

———

Anael

Emotions. She'd already thought they were intense when she started to feel them as an angel, but now? Now, that she finally Fell after so many painful days, weeks, months as an outcast but still one of Heaven's soldiers, belonging to neither Earth nor Heaven. Now, they were overwhelming. Now, they made her head ache, her eyes water, her spine bend. The negative ones gave her physical pain, the positive ones an echo of flying. How would love be?  
Affection, she knew what that felt like. She knew she loved Sam and Lucy but now, as she talked to Lucy on the phone, her heart opened and grasped for her, the woman whom she saved, the woman who saved her. Was that love?  
Of course it was, but was it romantic love? She didn't know. Did she want to be with Lucy until and after death did them part? Maybe.  
Did she want to kiss her? Absolutely. 

Running from motel to motel would not be effective for much longer. She should get a warding tattoo to keep demons from finding and possessing her, now that she was human, yet she didn't have enough money to do this and feed herself. 

She decided that that didn't matter. She got the warding tattoo. Momentary relief washed over her and finally, she could call Lucy without having to fear that she was being watched, that she was being followed.  
It was very nice, she had to admit. Lucy wasn't as stressed as she usually was and they had time to actually talk for a bit. It almost felt normal, she almost felt... human.  
The whole call, Anael could think of nothing other than how much she missed Lucy. It was strange. Lucy would say something and without even fully registering the words, all Anael imagined was how she said it, how her lips would look when she pronounced one word or another, how her eyes would scrunch up, how she would tell her to get out of her personal space, dammit, if Anael was there with her.  
Did that mean she loved Lucy?

Lucy 

She had meant to tell Ellen. She just hadn't found the right time, the right place, the right words. And then it had been too late.  
She wanted to tell Ana. She just didn't find the right time, the right place, the right words. It would not end like it did with Ellen. She would tell Anael. An opportunity would arise. 

An opportunity arose. Hehe, AROse. It was nice that she could joke about it now. Anyway, the opportunity was as follows:  
They met at a bar, casually, because Lucy was working a job near Anael's current hiding spot. She had to stay out of Heaven's focus for a few weeks so she'd been running from town to town, always at a different motel, staying for a few nights and then leaving. It was risky to meet but they decided it was worth to know the other wasn't dead yet and to see each other again. Also, it was way less risky now that Ana had gotten the warding tattoo. 

They talked and drank and then, Anael was drunk. She obviously hadn't been human for long and wasn't used to alcohol. She'd been drinking beer, while Lucy had had something stronger. Now, Ana was drunk and Lucy was still only feeling mildly tipsy. 

Anael

It was... strange. Was she sitting too close to Lucy? She supposed not. Lucy would have said something if she was. Wouldn't she have? Anael suddenly became aware that, while she had been pondering that, she had been staring at Lucy's lips. They were very nice lips. She looked away, at her nose. Lucy had freckles. So many freckles. How many? She started to count, thinking that Lucy would say something if it got too weird. She started from the bottom up as Lucy's freckles were centered around the eyes and on her nose. She was at about 49 when she wasn't sure if the one in the corner of Lucy's left eye was one or two. She leaned closer. Two, in very close proximity.

Lucy

What was she supposed to do? There was a very attractive woman sitting right in front of her, who had been leaning in, goddamnit!  
You could say it'd been an accident. A chance meeting of their lips. Or, you could call it a kiss. She wasn't sure what it had been but whatever it was, it had sparked a fire in her stomach, moving downwards. And then they were kissing again, this time there wasn't even the option of a "chance meeting". This was definitely, in fact, a kiss. And it was a good one. Awkward, sure, Anael had not kissed often before, but good. Lucy wasn't even sure who started it. 

Anael

They were very nice lips. Very, very nice lips. Soft. Lucy was surprisingly gentle, softer when she was kissing, not talking. That kiss had been very nice, and very short. She wanted it to last longer. There was an option on how to do that: Kiss Lucy again. So she did. And this next kiss was longer, better, it made her feel something. It made her want to hug Lucy, it made her want to place her hand on the hunter's cheek. It made something in her chest widen. The kiss deepened and then, it was very clear. She did love Lucy. Romantically. This was the feeling that she couldn't place. Love. She wanted to tell Lucy. She broke the kiss and moved away, slightly. "I love you, Lucy."

Lucy

Wow, that didn't go as planned. Dropping the L-Bomb right after a first kiss? Way soon. Well, to Lucy, any time was too soon. Anyway.  
"Whoa there, cowboy. Slow it down, would ya?" Anael looked confused. "You don't tell a gal that you love her right after the first kiss. Way soon, buddy."  
"But I do."

Alright, so maybe now was a good time. As good a time as any, actually.  
"Listen, Ana. I'm... uh... aro. Aromantic." The confused look on Anael's face intensified and Lucy sighed. She would have some explaining to do.  
"C'mon, let's get outta here."

They sat on a bench in a park somewhere. Lucy just sat and tried to recall everything, how she would explain these labels. Normally, her move was just "get it out quickly and then drop the subject" but with Ana, she wanted her to understand it. She wanted the gal to know as much as Lucy could teach her about being human. And since that topic was now relevant—pretty fucking relevant he'd say—, this was included.   
"So. Uh, yeah. How do I start?"   
"I recommend that you start where it's easiest to."  
"Well, yeah, no shit, Sherlock." Lucy laughed.  
"Alright. There's different kinds of attraction. Basically, there's sexual, romantic, aesthetic, sensual and platonic attraction."  
Anael looked interested but a bit confused. Lucy thought fondly that that was just how Ana always looked but still explained further. 

"Sexual attraction is if you look at someone and want to have sex with them, basically. Romantic attraction is—I guess—if you look at someone and want to kiss them but not have sex with them. It's also like... you want to be in a romantic relationship with them"  
Anael looked intrigued. Lucy continued. 

"Aesthetic attraction is looking at someone and being attracted to their appearance but not in a romantic or sexual way. Sensual attraction is wanting to have physical contact with someone that not romantic or sexual. And platonic attraction is just... wanting to be friends with someone, I guess."

Anael

Lucy's explanations were interesting and informative, indeed. What Anael wondered, though, was how that related to what they had talked about at the bar. Aromantic. 

"Lucy. How does this relate to 'aromantic'?"   
The hunter waved dismissively and said: 

"Get to that in a minute. So, there's these five kinds of attraction. They can sometimes be mashed up. You see someone and are attracted to their appearance, which is aesthetic attraction, and therefore you want to have sex with them, which is sexual attraction.  
If you feel romantic or sexual attraction that's called alloromantic or allosexual.   
Now, some people, like me, don't feel sexual or romantic attraction. That's called that you're aromantic or asexual. Those are seperate things, you can be alloromantic but asexual, or, like me, you can be allosexual and aromantic. I feel sexual but not romantic attraction."

A question popped into Anael's head.   
"Can asexual people like sex? Or is it a repulsion?" 

"Oh, nah, asexual people can like sex, there's ace people who don't like sex, ace people who like sex, ace people who are completely repulsed by sex, that's a whole spectrum! Same with aro. I like kissing but I don't want a romantic relationship with anyone. I mean, I would love to have a qpr but..."

That was interesting. Maybe, Anael thought, maybe she was asexual. She was interested in sex but she couldn't imagine having sex with someone specific. There was still the blur of 'anyone'.   
Also, what did Lucy mean by QPR?   
"What is that?"   
She was glad to learn so much. 

Lucy

"What, a qpr?"   
"Yes"   
"Well, it's a relationship but for A-Spec people. Since the degree to which you are aromatic or asexual can vary, it's called A-Spec."  
"It is a spectrum"  
"Exactly. So, a qpr. Yeah, uh, it's not just for A-Spec people, allos can have it, too, but it's mainly aro or ace people who have it."

She wanted a qpr so bad, a person whom she could take care of, whom she could cook with or for, whom she could live with. A person she could tell everything. Even about her work. She could tell Ana about her work. Hell, Ana even helped her sometimes, when she let her. 

Anael interrupted her thoughts—dreams, more like—with another question. 

"What does QPR stand for? It is an acronym, I assume?" 

"Yeah, it is. Stands for queerplatonic relationship." She emphasised the Q of queer, the P of platonic and the R of relationship.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are always appreciated! wow that sounded cold, let me try again
> 
> I love you guys and I'd really appreciate comments, it helps me get motivated💚


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